


and though i may be all wrong for a guy, i'm good for a laugh

by WattStalf



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Canon-Typical Everything, F/M, Introspection, Misgendering, Trans Female Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-02
Updated: 2020-11-02
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:21:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,224
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27354145
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WattStalf/pseuds/WattStalf
Summary: Nico goes south in search of love.
Relationships: Nico (Tokyo Ghoul)/Original Male Character(s)
Kudos: 5





	and though i may be all wrong for a guy, i'm good for a laugh

**Author's Note:**

> Happy birthday to one of my absolute favorite Tokyo Ghoul characters, just a short something where I mostly spend my time in her head, dealing with my own personal headcanons. Nico has always been really important to me, cos from the first time i saw her, I thought she was meant to be a trans character, and that was at a time when I was on the verge of coming to terms with my own identity. Regardless of what is or is not true with her, my headcanons are my own, and she's been a big help in figuring myself out. I love her, and she deserves love.

The first time that she tries flirting with him, he blows her off like it’s nothing. “You’re not my type,” is his excuse, but she’s used to that kind of thing, and never easily deterred. Ever since leaving the city, Nico has had plenty of fun, taking her time meeting men wherever she goes, on her never ending search for love.

She loves beautiful men, and to her, beauty takes many forms. None of her relationships have ever panned out, for a variety of reasons, but they have all had a quality of beauty to them, beauty that she attributes entirely to the men that she is involved with. It has been a long time since she has ever tried to call herself beautiful, but that is perfectly fine by her. She is happy just being able to be near beauty, to be as close to it as she can be, experiencing it vicariously, through observation and through love.

Yamori was the most intense connection she ever made, and all the while, she knew just how terrible it was for her. There was a beauty to that, as well, to the toxicity of their relationship. He was a complicated man, and she admired everything about him- to an extent, at least, but she tries to only remember the good things- and the way he hurt her, the way he broke her because he knew she could fix herself, and the way he used her to fix anything else broken by him…she still shudders to think about.

All good things must come to an end, though, and she has been searching since then. There have been so many others to catch her eye along the way, men beautiful in so many different ways that it is dizzying, and she supposes she always falls at least a little bit in love with each one of them, regardless of their feelings for her. Now that she has left the city, it is harder to find what she is looking for, but in her travels, she is always able to eventually find the places that ghouls gather, and that is where she looks for these beautiful men, eager to discover the ways in which her beauty shines.

When she first meets him, he blows her off, and she is not bothered by it. She is rarely ever acknowledged, with the rare exceptions usually blossoming into a wonderful, if short, relationship, before she is left to search once again. But more often than not, she is blown off, and she accepts it right away from him, ready to move on, but he is a regular in this area, and she does not meet a lot of others that catch her eye.

Eventually, she tries talking with him again, because she is easily bored, always looking for some form of entertainment.

“I already told you,” he says, “you’re not my type.”

“And who says I’m here for that? Maybe I’m just making conversation this time,” she replies, and he scoffs.

“I’m not much for conversation.”

“I can work with that. I’m pretty good at keeping up my own end of the conversation.”

He has no objections to that, at least, and he lets her talk to him. She tells him that she comes from Tokyo, and he gets a lot more interested in all of the stories that she has to tell, all of the things that she has seen. In the back of her mind, she can hear Itori scolding her for giving away so much information for free, but Nico does not work for a direct system of give and take. She gives what she wants and takes what she wants, whenever things work in her favor.

“So why would you want to leave?” he finally asks. “It seems like you would have had it made.”

“Oh, I’d seen everything there was to see. Besides, I had to get out to find love.”

“I’m not into guys,” he says, shaking his head a bit. “I can’t help you much with that one.”

“And whoever said I was a guy?” She cocks her head a bit, giving him a playful smile, and for a moment, he doesn’t know what to say. Nico can be tricky about these things; for a clown like her, everything is a game, and she always makes sure that she knows just how to play. For Yamori, she let him believe whatever he wanted to believe about her, let him think of her as a man, and never let it sting, because he was beautiful, and she would do what she could to take what she wanted.

There was that handsome man at the coffee shop, Uta’s little plaything, and when he said she wasn’t her type of woman, she turned it back around on him, just to see if his opinion would change were she not a woman. To her, it does not matter a bit what these beautiful men think of her, or what it is that makes them give her the love that she wants. She can play whatever part is needed, ever the clown until the very end, just as long as it gets her what she wants. Perhaps it is all just an elaborate prank played on them, or perhaps the joke is at her expense, but she always leaves feeling fulfilled, whether she is herself or fulfilling some role for them.

Nico is a woman. Her circumstances do not always allow her to express that in the ways she might prefer, but she is as optimistic about that as she is her chance to find love. She does not care a bit if she is beautiful or not, just as long as she can surround herself with beauty, and if that involves lying to them, it doesn’t matter a bit to her. If it involves being their joke, then it doesn’t matter a bit to her. She knows what she wants, and she will use whatever tricks she has at her disposal, will use anything she has, as long as it works to her advantage.

“Is that right?” he finally asks, looking a bit more interested now. That isn’t what she expected from him, but she should know better than to think she knows anyone well enough, at a glance, to know what they are going to say. She just isn’t used to flipping the script like that to work so well in her favor.

“Could you not tell?” she teases him, and she laughs, and before she knows it, the two of them are laughing together.

When she met him, he told her that she wasn’t his type, and now, the only thing that he ever says is how beautiful she is. Nico isn’t sure if she agrees with him there, more convinced that he is just flattering her for the sake of flattery, but she knows that he is beautiful, and she knows that she loves him, at least for now. She has never had a relationship pan out before, but that doesn’t really matter.

Whether this lasts or crashes and burns, whether he thinks she is beautiful or he lies to her for his own reasons, this is going to be fun. For a clown like her, that is all that she can ask for.

**Author's Note:**

> If you're interested in my writing updates, check out my twitter @WattStalf  
> 


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